Another True Story

AS I TYPE, my boyfriend is driving in a truck cross-country with his cousin Andy. A while ago, I asked how he and Andy are related, since I know they're not really first cousins, but are indeed kin of some kind.

He was unable to answer this question, and was only able to offer as evidence: "We grew up across the street from each other and have the same last name. He's my cousin."

This is North Carolina, my friends.

A True Story

So last night around 11:00 pm I was rudely awoken because Granny was screaming "Rachel! RACHEL! RACHEL!"
I of course assumed she was dying, bleeding, barfing, or whatever and leapt out of bed and went running to her, prepared to call 911. She was all thin and gasping and generally looking pretty pitiful, and she said to me...

"I want a cup of coffee and a peanut butter sandwich."